Everybody needs a little sanctuary
A little shelter from the storm
A lovers arms to enfold them
Keep them safe and keep them warm
Everybody needs a little sanctuary
Everybody needs a safe place to hide
From all their troubles all their mad affiliations
Someplace to hideaway from the night
Life's so complicated when we make it so damn hard
Trying to do the right thing its tearing us apart
For all the wrong reasons I need a little shelter for a while
A little comfort in your smile
You can't slow down the world
Sometimes you need to stop and take a break from it to make it through
Just give yourself some quiet time a moment or two its good for you
In the arms of a lover or a good friend
Be a good friend to yourself be a lover
You can give it to yourself if you've got it you will soon discover
Everybody needs a little sanctuary
From the pressures of this crazy place where in
Everybody needs a little peace of mind a place to unwind
And let the love begin
Everybody needs a little sanctuary
A place inside their hearts where love will never die
Everybody needs a little sanctuary
Will you be my sanctuary tonight
Get so wrapped up in the pursuit of what you think will bring
Happiness but then you'll miss out on all of the good things
That life gives to you free of charge indeed
Makes you feel so nice does not make you bleed
Stay true to the voice inside your heart and set yourself free
Satan Stole My Tampons
lyrics by Bob Schneider
The ambulance sounded in the background
The TV was glued to the bed
There was a strange voice coming from the next room
The voice said, ”I am dreaming. I am dreaming.
I am no longer dreaming. This is reality.”
Satan stole my tampons
Satan stole my tampons
I am bleeding. I am bleeding.
There is nothing that I would be needing
Except something to stop this bleeding but
Satan stole my tampons
Satan stole my tampons
I am satan. I did not steal your tampons. I merely borrowed them so that I could stick them in my satanic red butt. You know that all I want for Christmas are my two left testicles
Satan stole my tampons
Satan stole my tampons
Now I know that satan will deny it
I know that he would rather diet
I know that I will be rather quiet
When it comes time to take my place
At the end of satan’s line
Satan stole my tampons
Satan stole my tampons
I am satan. I did not steal your tampons. I did steal your brain from you while you slept. While you were waking/walking down the street you were sleeping and I stole it from you and now everyone around you is creeping up to get you. Don’t worry because it will all work out in the end. Eternity is not very long my friend
Satan stole my tampons
Satan stole my tampons
I am bleeding I am bleeding I am bleeding
Met a girl who looked just like Selena
Played in a band and had some real cool pants
She was as lovely as creamy chicos tacos
But it was late in Corpus Christi and I never had a chance
I said I’m staying at this cheap hotel where you can jump
Into the pool off o the 3rd floor and not die
I asked her to come over she said maybe and I waited
Until 5:30 but man she never ever did drop by
and I think I’m going crazy and I know I’m getting older
sometimes I think I just don’t have what it takes
Sometimes it seems that the good times might be over
that I missed the boat and all I gots to show for it is the breaks
I want to go back but you cant start over
I want to go home but I don’t know how
I want to keep going but I can’t find a reason
I just want it all and I want it right now
I want to get it right but I’m back where I started
I want a second chance but its way too late
I want to get it right but I don’t know where I’m going
If I only had a clue then I might feel great
Sell Your Head
©1998 Shockorama music / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
When I see your head I see money
I see a whole lot of money to be made
When I see your head I see the sun shining
On a million little people drinking lemonade
Sell your head sell your head sell your head
And make some money
Sell your head you could be rich rich rich
Sell your head and move out on the ocean
Sell your head and get right out of the sticks
When I see your head I see tigers
I see tigers in the jungle dancing in the trees
When I see your head I see California
I see coconuts and reindeer and honeybees
Sell your head sell your head sell your head
And make some money
Sell your head you could be rich rich rich
Sell your head and move out on the ocean
Sell your head and you won't have to bitch bitch bitch
You always worry way too much
You're always trying to do your best
Why don't you take a load off
And give your shoulders a rest
And sell your head
When I see your head I see a rainbow
A see a big fat rainbow and a pot of gold
When I see your head I see sun shining
Cruising down the highway in a winebago
Sell your head sell your head sell your head
And make some money
Sexy Pants
lyrics by Bob Schneider
Something ‘bout the way that you walk into the room
Something bout that walk that makes me want to ‘shroom
Something ‘bout the way that you be stopping the clock
Whenever I see you walking down the block
Something ‘bout your style that be turning up the heat
Something ‘bout your style that’s so damn sweet
Something ‘bout you baby’s got me hypnotized
Just wanna be the sunlight between your thighs
Send me off in an ambulance
I’m just crazy ‘bout your
Sexy pants
Sexy pants
Sexy pants
Don’t need no caffeine buzz to keep me humming
All I really need is just to see you coming
The way that your pants curve around your thighs
Makes me wanna come on up and say,”heeeeeey”
Baby won’t you just give me one little chance
I’m just crazy ‘bout your
Sexy pants
Sexy pants
Sexy pants
She Loves Charlie Daniels
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
She can’t stand people
And she can’t stand crowds
She can’t stand my music
Because I play it too loud
She can’t stand up
Without falling down
She can’t stand the day
Until the sun goes down
She loves Charlie Daniels
And cable TV
Colorado bull dogs
And dynasty
She loves the pickup trucks
Made back in ‘73
She loves Charlie Daniels
More than she loves me
She can’t stand standing
In the supermarket line
She can’t stand having
To make up her mind
She can’t stand answering
Her telephone
She can’t stand sleeping
In her bed all alone
She loves Charlie Daniels
And making love in the rain
Knocking down fences
And raising Cain
She loves Austin, Texas
And her worn out lee’s
She loves Charlie Daniels
More than she loves me
She’s Easy
lyrics by Bob Schneider
I wish I could say
I’ve fallen in love
I wish I could say
I don’t give a damn
I wish I could say
That you were the one
I wish I could say
That you’d understand
All I know is your eyes are a forest
All I know is that your mouth’s a dry well
All I know is I can’t sleep at night
For all I know you never can tell
She’s easy she’s easy so easy
She’s easy so easy to please
She’s easy she’s easy so easy
Almost as easy as me
I wish I could try
And crawl back for more
I wish I could change
The way that I feel
I wish that no matter
What ever went wrong
You’d still find a way
To let your heart heal
All I know is your smile is a rainbow
All I know is your laugh’s a cocoon
All I know is nothing is better
Than nothing coming to soon
She’s easy she’s easy so easy
She’s easy so easy to please
She’s easy she’s easy so easy
Almost as easy as me
I wish I could say
That I’ve fallen in love
I wish I could say
One day I’d disappear
I wish I could let
This steel heart surrender
I wish I could tell you
It’s all that I fear
She's With Me All the Time
by Bob Schneider
Met a girl bout a week ago
Pretty as an ice cream cone
She smiled at me and then she walked away
I haven't seen her since that day
But she's with me all the time (she's with me all the time)
But she's with me all the time (she's with me all the time)
But she's with me all the time (she's with me all the time)
I feel like I’m losing my mind
I was afraid I was a fraidy cat
I did not find out where I might see her at
And now she's gone except in my mind
Where she's with me all the time
Now if I saw her know just what I’d do
I'd be all debonair I’d be all cool
I'd ask her out and she'd say why not
You know but then maybe in flames down I’d be shot
But in my mind I could try again
Figure out what to say and how and when
And then she'd see how nice I’d be
And then she'd fall all in love with me
Then in my mind she'd be the only girl
Who could give me happiness I seek in this world
All in my mind I play this fantasy
Happy together just her and me
We could get married have a real nice home
But it could get boring and my thoughts might roam
Maybe then she’d be my ball and chain
And I could never ever have fun again
But by then it would be too late
I'd have to just go ahead and except my fate
But I’d ask myself why'd I get myself into all this aggravation
And then I’d laugh cause it was all my imagination
Shotgun Blew My Love Away
©1983 Shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
We were only seventeen
When we married happily
But our love started to fade
And I caught her nappin in the shade
In the arms of another man
And I knew I had to make a stand
So I took my shotgun down
And put my love right in the ground
Shotgun blew my love away
Shotgun made me go insane
I put that gun right to her head
She shoulda listened to what I said
I pulled that trigger on that unholy day
Shotgun blew my love away
Side Show Tornado
©1998 shockorama music pub. / temple of the poke music pub.
by Bob Schneider & Adam Temple
I got shattered heart membrane
I got hair on end
I'm a sea of strangers
I'm my only friend
I got bottom of the barrel
Empty bottle in my hand
I'm all eras baby
I'm an invisible man
Why'd you go
I got a million dollar headache
I got a thermal smile
I'm a sideshow tornado
I'll only stay for a while
I got a hole in my heart
I gotta get out of town
I'm a truckload of trouble
I'm not fucking around
Why'd you go
I got a drink special hairdo
I got a grandfather stare
I got a cop in my rearview
That I wish wasn't there
I got way too much free time
I've got nowhere to hide
The whole world's on fire
& I’m frozen inside
Why'd you go
The Sky is Blue
lyrics by Bob Schneider / music by Bob Schneider & Adam temple
“I take their breath away.”
That’s what you always say
I’ll say, ”I bet you do.
You always could it’s true.”
But when I close my eyes at night
And all I can see is you
Your arms around someone new
I know the sky is blue
You’ll call me late at night
Like you always do
Just to say you’re not alone
And though I know it isn’t true
When I close my eyes at night
All I can see is you
You alone with someone new
I know the sky is blue
You’re empty as a razor blade
As crazy as a tidal wave
Harder than a firing squad in May
And as much as I love you
You’re as fragile as the morning dew
And I know you’ll never change
That’s why the sky is blue
Sleeperhold
©1998 Shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
Sleep sleep go to sleep
You're in too far you're in too deep
Rain rain I can't explain
She'll never come around again
Wine wine all the time
She'll never be your valentine
The monkey's back won't let you go
She got you in that sleeperhold
You just need some air to breathe
I think there's some left underneath
The residue of all that's left
This game is scaring me to death
I'm in much deeper than the well
That starts in heaven ends in hell
It's just the crippler's got a grudge
Oh and my mind's the hanging judge
Don't hold me back don't let me go
Misery's my best friend
It always comes around again
It never let's me sleep alone
I'm dying by the telephone
Everything all feels the same
My heart just bleeds until the stains
Inside the shell against the door
I'll never smell your face no more
Oh she'll be the leopard queen
And you the leper in between
Her spots get prettier with time
I just want to make her mine
Yeah but all I’ve got to show
Is sixteen hundred in the hole
And sixteen hundred more to go
And why I try I’ll never know
Sloppy Jalopy
lyrics by Bob Schneider
They call me sloppy jalopy
I got a whole lot in my head
I never get up early baby
Just to get out of bed
I eat the jalapeno yes I do
And then I take a creamy dreamy
Hot stinky poo
They call me sloppy jalopy
I eat ice cream with my honey
She makes me laugh sometimes
Because you know she’s so funny
They call me sloppy jalopy
I’ve got t he barbecued buns
Because I wear no panties
When I back in the sun
I pick my nose clean baby
Roll the boogers in a ball
And I flick ‘em at people
When I go to the mall
I got a big pair of shorts
And they’re cut off way below the knees
I keep my pockets filled up
With macaroni and cheese
I watch the Larry king
So I can fall right to sleep
My girlfriends got taste because
She thinks I’m a creep
I don’t watch the news
Because I can’t stand the sports
And my favorite companions
Are usually sold in cold quarts
I don’t take no showers
Cause I’m a natural dude
But I do change my mind
Because I hate to be rude
I love to do the lambada
But I don’t do it very well
And my hair’s always perfect
Because I use the styling gel
Slow Glide to Mellow Freak
©1999 Shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
It's a slow glide to mellow freak
Sang stumpy as loud as he could
While he pounded away
On a five string he made
Out of old dirty diapers and wood
I'll be a bitch in a minute
You swafty cold fuckers
He screamed at the top of his lungs
Then he peed in his pants while he spat out a dance
And reverted to speaking in tongues
And it's a slow glide to mellow freak
And easier than harder than not
To be given the chance to be all you cant's
And gag on the goodies that you got
It's a slow glide to mellow freak
Sang Betty one day at the store
She thought the bananas
Were rabid pirhannas
And now she don't shop there any more
Now she sits in her house
In a tangle of dishes
And swears that she speaks to the dead
In a language forgotten
And her brain is all rotten
And the worms run a bank in her head
It's a slow glide to mellow freak
They said of old Johnny McNeil
Just a crafty old fucker
Who called himself tucker
Whose wife died one night at the wheel
Now he sits in a lump
In the backyard
His eyes the cold color of snot
He talks to the flowers
For hours and hours
And shits in his pants when he's hot
It's a slow glide to mellow freak
The proof was in Sally McKane
A sensible lady
Who went kind a crazy
And OD'ed on high grade cocaine
She had a sweet tooth for chocolate
She'd eat it for supper they said that she just wouldn't stop
One day she tried coke and I swear its no joke
That she snorted it up till she popped
Sometimes You Gotta Kick Some Ass
©1992 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider
John Jay Mandelsheim went down to the bar they call the Railroad Line
He got fucked up on corn whiskey and Budweiser and was feeling just fine
But when he got home that night he found his wife and kids lying dead in his living room
Dead as the dead sun's ashes and the fire in his heart that lay in ruins
Well now it seems that the Muller boys had done it but you know that there daddy owned the town
And when they got off on a technicality you shoulda heard that sound
Of John's shotgun blasting those Muller boys doing what he had to do
Singing something bout and eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth
Cause my daddy said sometimes you gotta learn how to see
And sometimes you gotta show some class
My daddy said sometimes you might haveta turn the other cheek
But my daddy said sometimes you gotta kick some ass
Well now judge Jeff Pullensteimer son of a bitch that he was said you're gonna get the chair
He said what goddamn I just don’t fucking believe it and I sure as shit don't care
You know they took away my family my love and everything that I was living for
He said if I had to do it all over again you know that I would cause man it's all about war
Spacesuit
©1997 shockorama music pub. / melody & lyrics by Bob Schneider
Cincinnati apple pie
Where do we go when we die
I don't care and that ain't no lie
I don't know where and I don't know why
Everything is a part of me and part of you
Everything is a part of me and part of you
I got my spacesuit on
I got my spacesuit on
And I’m ready to fly
Away
New York city LSD
Shinning brighter than a Christmas tree
You I am supposed to be
I'm finding easier to see
Everything is a part of you and part of me
Everything is a part of you and part of me
I got my spacesuit on
I got my spacesuit on
And I’m ready to fly
Away
Spit
©1991 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider
Spit spit
Spit on my food is the kind I hate
Cause a little bit of spit and it still tastes great
Spit comes in all size colors and forms
Ooey ooey gooey all sticky and warm
Spit
Spit all running down my baby lips
When my baby's spit sparkles it'll sink a thousand ships
Spit on my towel spit on my big pussy
Spit on my big dick because you know its so juicy
Spit
Spit politicians got inside their heads
Sometimes I think its worth more than the words they said
Spitting out their bullshit spitting out their lies
Spitting out some crazy shit and spitting out damn alibis
Spit
Spitting all alone and spitting with my baby too
Spitting's what I know and spitting's what I do so is
Spit in the shower spit in the sink
I don't give a shit because my spit don't stink
Staysha Brown
©1999 Shockorama music pub. / lyrics by Bob Schneider
I'm gonna tell a story and it goes like this
Living my life and it was full of bliss
I did not have a problem that I could not handle
I kept my life nice and tidy like the home of Tony Randle
Then one day it was the month of May
And I was kicking back a forty at the dock of the bay
I saw this girl I took a look and did a double
I should've known right then the girl was trouble
To make a long story short and not too boring
Things got out of hand yes things got quite deploring
I guess I fell in love see I asked her if she'd see me
She said you may but only if you pamper spoil and feed me
I said here take my money she did and things were sunny
Until it all ran out and then she said I’ll see you honey
Now I’m a broken man my confidence but rubble
Take it from me the girl's trouble
I'm talking about styling Staysha Brown
The funkiest booty in town
Styling Staysha Brown the best disco dancer for miles around
I tried to call her on the phone I couldn't leave her alone
She had a big big brother who said he'd break all my bones
It didn't matter to me I knew eventually she'd see her big mistake
And come running back to me
Now I know better then I couldn't forget her
I asked her for an answer and she wrote me a letter
Saying it's over forever I hate to burst your bubble
P.s. I found another man she's trouble
Trouble in the morning trouble at night
Trouble all around me now I don't feel right
Trouble when I’m breathing when I open my eyes
Trouble all around me ain't no big surprise
She's twenty tons of trouble in a ten ton truck
The day I ran into her I guess I ran out of luck
I'm gonna step right back baby right back on the double
Take it from me the girls trouble
Trouble all around me trouble just surrounds me
I need an anti trouble trouble suit are trouble's gonna drown me
Suiciday
©1999 shockorama music pub.
My friend got shot
All by himself
In the head
Just last week
He narrowly escaped
Growing older like the rest of us will & are
I don’t miss him
Very much at all
Cause I have lost the
Ability to feel anything at all
And I’ve got problems of my own you see
To deal with and you know that I hate you all
My friend got shot
All by himself
In the head
Just last week
Superfatty
©1999 shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
I got the fat footed
Wobbly walking
Silly talking
Roly Poly Lopsided
Twoheaded
Wonder where my woman went
Blues
I got the slap happy
Superfatty
Got to be your fat daddy
Jingly jangly
Wiggly waggly
Wonder where my woman went
Blues
Do what you want
Do what you will
Do what you want
Cause you give me such a thrill
Open up your window
Let me come inside
Open up your window
Let me take you for a ride
Do what you want
If it makes you feel nice
If it makes you feel nice
Go ahead and do it twice
Shake your booty on the floor
If it makes you feel good
If it makes you feel good
Then you know that it should
Surrender
©1999 Shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
Tammy got dropped on her head as a child
Drank rope wine and grew up wild
Faster than a bullet she'd speed through the night
She's could wake the dead with her appetite
She settled for jerry when things got bad
When things got worse she moved in with her dad
She'd say things just gotta work out in the end
But she never really quite got going again
Life's funny twists and turns
Figure it out but you'll never learn
Get burned you say never again
Give up and then you win
She met Louie at a liquor store
Buying smokes when she walked in the door
Tattooed and smelling of beer
He said tell me baby what the hell we doing here
They walked out into the sun
And she knew he'd be the one
When he said baby I can be a better man
With you by my side I know I can
Life's funny twists and turns
Figure it out but you'll never learn
Get burned you say never again
Give up and then you win
They got married in San Antone
They had five good years in a trailer home
Louie worked days as a hired hand
& at night played drums in a country band
He said Tammy you're always gonna be my queen
You're the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen
But when he got the cancer it didn't take long
Six months later and he was gone
Life's funny twists and turns
Figure it out but you'll never learn
Get burned you say never again
Give up and then you win
Two weeks later she had a little boy
She said I’m gonna call you little lord fauntleroy
He looked just like his daddy & when she held him tight
She knew everything was gonna be allright
Suzie Got to Samba
©1998 Shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
Suzie likes to walk the moon down on the ocean
She likes to sing the birds to sleep in the trees
& when they're asleep and tucked in and all out of sight
Suzie got to samba just cause it's Saturday night
Suzie got dreams they’re made out of neon and glitter
She travels the world in her mind in a big limousine
When she returns form her travels and filled with delight
Suzie got to samba just 'cause it's Saturday night.
She got to samba
There in the moonlight
Round & round & round & round
She will twirl
When she sambas
There in the moonlight
Suzie doesn't seem to have a care in the world
Suzie's always got a long ride back from the city
Where she lives all alone in a one room palace
She thinks that one day well she thinks that she'll meet Mr. Right
Till then she'll samba just 'cause it's Saturday night.
Swindle
©1998 Shockorama pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
You got swindled into believing
He wasn't evil & deceiving
That he'd be there through thick & thinner
And that you had yourself a winner
But you got swindled and you've earned yourself a lesson
When it comes right down to love your only second guessing
So leave your thinking bones at home
Brush your teeth and use your comb
Wash your sheets & hit the streets and go to town
'Cause your really only swindled
Till the next big swindle comes around
You got swindled and you're thinking
That your chances at love are sinking
And you're saying never again
You just won't trust in any man
'Cause you got swindled and you know the signs
You've heard the crap and you've memorized the lines
So bury all your expectations
Give your worries a vacation
You've passed the test so grab your dress and go to town
'Cause your really only swindled
Till the next big swindle's going down
You got swindled now you know
You won't be swindled any mo'
Your hearts a little harder
Your brain's a little smarter
And you know you might be right or wrong
But the hardest hearts get swindled too before too long
So bring the keys to the handcuffs
Slip on your mittens and some earmuffs
Its cold out side but hey the world keeps going round
And you're really only swindled
Till the next big swindler's going down