Karmasutra
words & music by Bob Schneider
I know you've got boyfriends
Baby I’ve seen them
I know you don't care about
Anybody but yourself
But that doesn't matter to me
Cause I’m the same way too
Maybe we can find some middleground
And maybe that might do
Cause I ain't like them boys on oprah I’ve read the karmasutra
Let me show you what a real man like me can do for ya
Damnit Janet
I'm the man from the planet
Planet "making you feel so good"
Like you would if you could we'd be rocking it all night
Like you would if you could we'd be rocking it all night
Like you would if you could we'd be rocking it all night long
I know you've got problems
Baby you've told me
But everybody's got problems
I've got problems too
And it doesn't matter to me
What anybody thinks or says
About the two of us baby
That's none of my damn business
I know you've got your mind made up
Baby you've said so (and I’ll never understand)
But I’ve got my mind made up and (you say you need a good friend)
Baby I want to see you (not just another man)
It doesn't matter to me (well baby I can see that)
Where tomorrow'll find us at (and baby I can see you too)
I ain't no nostradamus bay (maybe we can find some middleground)
And I don't give a damn about that (maybe that might do)
King of Las Vegas
©1992 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider
You knew what you were doing when you did what you did
You used to do the right things but your standards slid
You're gonna pay the price
There's no going back to the way it was
Because a person's gotta pay for what a person does
You're gonna pay the price
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did cause baby you were taken chances
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did and now you're gonna suffer the circumstances
You shoulda learned to live by the golden rule
Because that karma thing can be awful cruel
You're gonna pay the price
Lost your soul gave in to your greed
When you turn your wants into what you need
You're gonna pay the price
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did cause baby you were taken chances
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did and now you're gonna suffer the circumstances
But if I was the king of Las Vegas
I'd wear the nugget ring
Yeah if I was the king of Las Vegas
It wouldn't mean a thing to me
But I’m not
Yeah one of these days when the tables turn
Yeah your gonna find out that when the truth is learned
You're gonna pay the price
Where you gonna run when it all falls through
I said where you gonna turn when they turn on you
You're gonna pay the price
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did cause baby you were taken chances
It didn't have to happen that way
But it did and now you're gonna suffer the circumstances
But if I was the king of Las Vegas
I'd wear the nugget ring
Yeah if I was the king of Las Vegas
It wouldn't mean a thing to me
But I’m not
Kitchen Magician
by Bob Schneider
Step back mother fucker got a story to tell
I'm gonna tell it one time so listen up well
It's not a play toy at all it won't come when you call
But it'll make your life a breeze and you'll be having a ball
I said it slices it chops & both your mom and your pops
Will like it, give it to the kids it won't break when it drops
It turns a meal into dinner, if you're a total beginner
You'll be a betty crocker baking cookoff grand prize winner
Tell your friends all about it you know that it will amaze
Cook a meal in a minute when before it took days
It's to good to be true all the things it can do
Turn even boring old standards into something new
It's government approved it passes all the tests
It's better than the baddest the best best of the best
The kitchen magician it's a handsome addition
To any room in the house but always best in the kitchen
As seen on TV it's money back garanteed
Fuck everything else because it's all that you need
It's better than a dog it makes picks from a log
Makes a fine ham sandwich from a hog
It turns your life around, the best thing you've found
It takes a sad sack chef and turns his frown upside down
Its got thousands of uses it turns fruits into juices
It'll make a perfect salad no more need for excuses
It'll grate, it'll peel it'll fine chop your veal
Just give it a try and see how good it can feel
It'll mince your meat, it'll pulverize wheat
You can put it in your freezer cause it's resistant to heat
The kitchen magician it's only $9.99
If your kids get too unruly it'll keep 'em in line
It's not made of wood which should make you feel good
You can lend it to your friends in the neighborhood
It'll cut it'll grate it'll chop up your steak
You can hit it with a hammer and it just won't break
Yeah it's the perfect gift for someone that you love
Compare it to the rest and it's always one step above
It'll relax it prepacks your lunch everyday
It's a miniature marvel, well what more can I say
It cleans itself like magic when you're in the city
It'll clean all your dishes and make your place smell pretty
It gets rid of roaches without any scent
If your a little behind well it'll help with the rent
It's more than an appliance it's remarkably reliant
It won't keep you up at night because it's quieter than silent
It might just change your mood from not good to much better
If your baby hits the road it'll help you forget her
Koyote
©1998 Shockorama music pub./ words & music by Bob Schneider
Time rolls by like an old friend gone away
And I am just a mortal man
And death will be my final lover
For I have seen the final plan
Give your tears unto another
Tear your heartache from my hands
And run as far as time will offer
I have seen the final plan