Gasoline Elvis
words & music by Bob Schneider
Won't you come with me and we can take a ride in the sun
We can laugh out loud and shout about our doubts and everyone
Can go to hell cause we won't care cause we'll be having so much fun
And we won't stop until they take away our guns
And when you get up in the morning and you empty out your eyes
And your head is big and lumpy and your brain is filled with pies
And you act like everything that you've become's one big surprise
And you mumble to yourself and you stumble through the lies
And when you button up your pants and your belly's like a baby
Getting bigger everyday until it almost drives you crazy
And you look inside the mirror and there's someone else in there
And you wonder where you went and it really isn't fair
You're really unaware
You really want to care
You want to be the one
You want to be the granddaddy
Winner in the sun
And when you think you've found the answers to your prayers and all your dreams
But she look like Elvis Presley and she smells like gasoline
And they tell you that you're crazy but you say they're full of beans
And everyday is Halloween
I'm not quite sure just what I mean
I mean I couldn't have a Betty Crocker kind of life
You know a car a house the kids a cook a maid a job a wife
You know sometimes I think that kinda thing might not be bad but nice
But god I’m tired of advice
I want to lead a life of crime and petty vice
I want to be the only one
I want to bowl with all the stars
I want to be the one
The granddaddy winner in the sun
Generating the Blow Job Texture
lyrics by Bob Schneider
Now I did not come here to do the dishes
I did not come here to grant you 69 wishes
No I did not come here to mmm inspect ‘cha
I only came to generate a little blow job texture
Now I did come here in no taxi cab
I did not come here in a mere Mercedes Benz
I brought the limousine to come and getcha
Trying to generate a little blow job texture
Take your teeth out let me recline
Darling you sure do look divine
Take your teeth out and stay awhile
I surely do enjoy your gingivitis style
You might could use to lose a few pounds maybe
But I’d be the last to admit that to you baby
I’d prefer to say you were as pretty as a picture
Trying to generate a little blow job texture
I’d love to love you baby all night long
But I’d have to say that I ain’t that strong
But I could definitely come and inject’cha
Trying to generate a little blow job texture
Lick my butthole it’s not that bad
It’s better than your stinky old dad’s
Lick my butthole it’s kinda stinky
Oh my god girl what were you thinking
Now I don’t mean to brag and I don’t mean to boast
But I’m the daddy with the mostest goldenest toast
I did not come to argue and I did not come to lexture
I only came to generate the blow job texture
Now we don’t need no fancy style
Just come over baby and just stay awhile
I did not come to frighten and I did not come to vex’ya
I only came to generate a little blow job texture
Take your teeth out let me recline
Check out my prostate while you dine
Nibble on my tip baby nibble on my shaft
But get on that butthole before and aft
Gold in the Sunset
©1999 shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
I went over to your house a little monkey in the gloom
She were making bacon the punchline came too soon
Made a little beverage thought I had it made
Mixed me up a big ole glass of seeya laterade
I know where tomorrow be too damn far away
Today ain't my cup of tea I know that everybody's gay
Knuckled out and lost all the bats they have flown
Monster's in the closet's all I’ve ever known
All the gold in the sunset all the diamonds on the sea
All the gold in the sunset's all I’ll ever really need
All the gold in the sunset all the diamonds on the sea
All I need to be free come on and get down y’all
Chuckleberry superstition brought on by the dead
Got inside my constitution ate up all my head
Take me down to nowhere that's where I belong
Keep it going beautiful don't try and get me wrong
Sideshow snakebites got me in the mood
Switched over to decaf hate to be so rude
Operating allnight need some quick relief
Released in the ocean with your sharklike teeth
Made of macho medicine got a little close
Closer to the real deal need a bigger dose
Sperm kitchen headache dreaming I’m on fire
Swear to god I’m going over ready to retire
She'll use all the closet brass in her little pipe
Smoking in those wingtips kissing it goodnight
Damage done soliloquy highwater gash
Firehose nosewater need a little cash
Wigglying my dizzystick stop inside the showboat
Turn it over pay per view stripping off the creamcoat
Pillowcheck chambermaid Angie’s got her noose
Tied under her hanky leg turning up the juice
Swimmin in her boxcar her scents in my beard
There's gonna be a fireworks display everyone is weird
Sperm kitchen headache everywhere I turn
Shallowwire snakeskin maybe I’ll never learn
She got the gun she got the gun again
Sippin on a pipe razor packed and smokin Indochina
She got the gun that refunked the fire
That refunked my redirectory
Jabberwocky pignut caramella
White wall disaster ocean surf chumps
Gone to Find Jesus
by Bob Schneider
Jimmy's so excited about the wrongs that he's righted
He's got himself invited to the governors ball
No one's found the money nothings funny call me honey
He didn't run the gun he hid is in the stall
And everybody’s crazy bout that lazy chic named daisy
But she be basically a lady with a baby in her belly
I never watch the telly I’m sometimes smelly I can tell you
If you got a lotta dough it's hard to get through heaven's door
Well I used to hustle honey
And I used to bust my buttons
Used to get a head a steam up
Just so I's could get ahead
But them days over
You can tell it to Jehovah
Cause baby I’m gone to find Jesus
And Jesus is my lawyer I shall not weep
Don't matter what I done or if the hole's real deep
I'll walk through the shadow and I’ll walk through the light
But Jesus’ my lawyer its gonna be alright
Shirley made a list of opportunities she'd missed and seeking bliss with a kiss
She dismissed the situation
With a rope that she made out of spidereggs and glade she paid the maid
And went to bed and took a permanent vacation
Sarah got a job had a kid and called it bob she ate corn on the cob almost
Every single day
She used to pray at the bagoda used to drive a red Toyota
Used to live in South Dakota now she's living in L.A.
Gong! It’s Taco Time
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
I need a meat filled corn tortilla deep fried with cheese
Some extra spicy thick and chunky salsa please
Some lettuce and tomato and some fresh sour cream
And a side of tasty Mexican refried beans
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Please don’t take a shit dude in that pot of beans
Cause I love my bean burritos if you know what I mean
I don’t want no fecal matter in my pintos and cheese
So won’t you do me a favor and take it easy por favor
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
I love my taco bell I eat it every day
Because a few copper pennies there go a mighty long way
And the hot sauce is free it’s like a meal in itself
Just keep your poop in your pants and keep the food on the shelf
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Gong! It’s taco time
Good
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
The sun's shinning
And the skies are gray
But I still know it's shinning
Out there anyway
And I’m lightning
Crashing through the sky
I got my feet on the ground
And I feel so high
And it's gonna be allright
Yeah it's good good good good good
And I’m happy
And I feel so blue
Cause I know in my heart
I'm still in love with you
And I’m crazy
That's what you might say
And I don't give a damn
About that anyway
Cause it's gonna be allright
Yeah it's good good good good good
One minute you're crying
And you're so upset
Just give it some time
And you'll soon forget
And you'll be laughing
Before too long
Just stay true to your self
You can never go wrong
And it's gonna be allright
Yeah it's good good good good good
It's gonna get better
Baby you'll see
Ain't no need to take life
So seriously
It's temporary
So let's have some fun
Open up your heart baby
Let in the sun
And it's gonna be allright
Yeah it's good good good good good
Cmon baby
Cmon and dance with me
Cmon and let down your hair
Set yourself free
Leave all your worry's
Honey at my door
Cause you won't need them
Anymore
Yeah it's gonna be allright
Yeah it's good good good good good
Good Luck
lyrics & music by Bob Schneider
I don't play bingo cause I never win
And I’ll never go riding wild horses again
No I don't gamble the way I used to do
I used up all my good luck
The day I ran into you
Lightning don't strike twice that's what they all say
But lightning strikes me most everyday
When you say I love you I know that it's true
I used up all my good luck
The day I ran into you
Ooohhh
I don't go drinking on the wrong side of town
With fast and easy women that I have found
I try to be careful and to watch the things I do
I used up all my good luck
The day I ran into you
I used to take my chances whenever I could
If the lord wouldn't save me I knew lady luck would
(and somehow I managed to always pull through)
But that was long before I had something to lose
I used up all my good luck
The day I ran into you
Now some folks just don't know when it's time to quit
But baby I know that this love is it
(but baby I know that your love is the shit)
I'm done running around cause I know that its true
I used up all my good luck
The day I ran into you
Gorky Park
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
You got that Gorky park hairdo
You got a lot on the ball
You got that something kinda special
That I’ve never seen in no one at all
You got that commisary shake down
It's wrapped and ready to go
You got that something kinda special
That I’ve never seen in no one I know
And I’m trying to keep up with your
Show me what you got's
And I’m showing you
Everything I got everyday
And it's a rollercoaster trip around the sun
It ain't no ride in the hay
You hit that Betty ford grace note
Like you were taking a fall
You got that something kinda special
That I’ve never seen in no one at all
You got that razorsharp toothblade
That cuts me right down to size
You got that something kinda special
That I’ve never seen in anybody's eyes
And I’m trying to keep up with your
Show me what you got's
And I’m showing you
Everything I got everyday
And it's a rollercoaster trip around the sun
But hell I like it that way
Grandma's Minestrone
lyrics by Bob Schneider & Adam Temple
Don't like talking on the telephone
Don't like running out of methadone
Don't like your whiny ass monotone
Don't like death a rattlin' my bones
But I love my grandma's minestrone
Makes me feel good in my bones
Happiness like I’ve never known's
Eating a great big bowl of that minestrone
Don't dig republican zombie clone
Don't like mashing up my ole shinbone
Superman don't like that green krypton
Don't feel like chewing on your psychological bone
Don't like sleeping in the black death hole
Don't like you forgetting to smoke my pole
Don't like losing total track of my soul
Don't wanna hear about your husband's parole
Don't like the smell of that spicy cologne
Don't like feeling like a damn moron
My girlfriend's got to much testosterone
Don't dig them titties with the silicone
Don't like listening to Leonard Cohen
Don't like to hear that ole hormone
Don't like passing that bloody gall stone
Don't like floor grease on my ice cream cone
Don't like the smelly ass microphone
Don't like to ask old dad for a loan
Don't like all the pain only I have known
Don't like trying to keep up with the Jones
Don't like the devil knocking on my door
Don't like shit in my underdrawer
Don't like getting fucked cause it makes my ass sore
Don't like waking up on your floor
Don't like the way you make my eyes sore
Don't like listening to no commodores
Don't like my chic dating dick galore
Don't like being smashedby the mighty hammer of Thor
Don't like the jangly glass all in my brain
Don't like the brown sugar in my heroin
Don't like my competition for Lois Lane
Don't like it when my heads all full of rain
Don't like your intellectual novocaine
Don't like using the crapper down in banglamain
Don't like having to abstain from champagne my friend
Don't like tripping on the windowpane
But I love my grandma's lobster thermador
But I love my grandmas' tuna casserole
But I love my grandma's chicken chow mein
Gravy
©1999 shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider
It's allright if you love me
It's allright if you don't
It's allright if you leave me
It's allright if you won't
It's all gravy, baby
When you save me
We can roll with the punches
We can hang up our hearts
We can hold on forever
Till it tears us apart
It's not the words that you're saying
It's the sound of your sigh
That makes the world so much harder
Everytime you say goodbye
I might fall into temptation
And leave everything behind
Except these scars that I’ll always carry
Upon this heart of mine
Greed
©1992 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider
Introductions were made at the age of fifteen
By a suicidal prophet in a halcyon limousine
Fueled by the agents that help us slow down the ride
I'll take a shotgun position till the day I die
You wanna come into my house you wanna cut off my hair
Tell me what to do and tell me what to wear
Come up to me and say you'll fill my needs
And then watch me bleed
Cooling out in the bloodshot blaze of the summer sun
Out to give this life a chance and have me a little fun
Whoever told the truth they told the truth when they lied
When you're a walking approximation of Mr. Hyde
Rice paper walking your way to the top of the pile
In a see through world full of cellophane smiles
They come up to you and say they'll fill your need
Then watch you bleed
They got a name for it
Greed
Now I’m rolling through town in that self same limousine
With a couple of coked up beauties that I ain't never seen
Oh I feel like I’m on a roll Hyde's doing the talking and I’m outta control
And what I have learned in ten thousand days
There's no way out of this fucking maze
They'll cone up to and say they'll fill your need
And life is much harder than I thought it would be
Than when I first heard it explained to me
When the questions were all simple and all cut and dried
And they're weren't no talking about the other side
Well I’m getting sick and tired of the whole damn system
Line the greedy motherfuckers up and then I’ll cold fist 'em
Come up and say they'll fill your needs
Then watch you bleed
They got a name for it
Greed