Bob Schneider Lyrics

Dancing at the Foot of Angels
Days Like This
Deep in the Heart of Nowhere
The Denial Song
The Devil Outside My Window
The Difference Between Potatoe Chips and Earthquakes
Dixie Lullabye
Dizzy Stick
Don’t Be So Stingy With Your Pingy
Don't Blink
Don't Fuck With Me
Don’t Quit Your Day Job
Drinking Song
Dry Humpin
Dubronic
Dying in Denver Tonight

Dancing at the Foot of Angels
©1997 shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider

I awoke inside a stranger’s glance, nervous and suspecting the worst.
Where had i been for so long? Inside a wolf’s grin.
I felt colored, packed tight and slightly refreshed.
I unbuttoned my memory and took a look inside myself.

Does it make you feel much better.
Does it make you feel alright.
Does it make you feel good inside.

I’m dancing at the foot of angels.

I took a look inside my skull cap. It was all there; the tissue,
The sinew, the arm chair, the tingly aroma of urine,
A fruit basket filled to the brim with decaffeinated hangover cider,
There were the cattle pranks, the friction burns and the lies.

Does it make you feel much better.
Does it make you feel alright.
Does it make you feel good inside.

I’m dancing at the foot of angels.

I found the keys i had forgotten i'd misplaced the ones to all the answers to the questions that you'd ever asked and that you'd never asked
Oh and the jelly that was the best part thick and hot and greazy
I used to cover the walls of my antenae so i could hear you calling
The receptions always better that way

Days Like This
©1995 shockorama music pub. / lyrics and melody by Bob Schneider

Its days like this you never leave behind
Its days like this that tend to change your mind
Its days like this where you're supposed to walk the line
Its days like this that sharpen your spine
Its days like this where the wonder never seizes to amaze
You fall to pieces on these days

Its days like this where the world's a spider brain
Its days like this all silly string and novacaine
Its days like this where there's noone to explain
Its days like this where the world goes round again
Its days like this where the courage breaks aways
You fall to pieces on these days

Its days like this when the air electrifies
Its days like this where you win the nobel prize
Its days like this where nothinbg really satisfies
Its days like this when you underline your lies
Its days like this when its no more than a phase
I fall to pieces on these days

Deep in the Heart of Nowhere
lyrics by Bob Schneider & Adam Temple

The bars at night, are always bare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’ve got a flat, but i ain’t got no spare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The passing cars, don’t seem to care
Deep in the heart of nowhere
They’re giving me the finger, i say whate’er
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My girlfriend looks like the possesed linda blair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She says i ain’t got no savoir faire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My life is like a blank questionaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
And i don’t have clean underwear
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The girl’s i meet are like frigidaires
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My hemoroids they bleed and tear
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Feel like i’m sitting on an electric chair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Jangly glass all in my brain
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’m falling down the stairs again
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Tried to march to a different drummer but i got no snare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
The hand i was dealt was for solitaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I met a girl who was hearing impaired
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She called me up and said,”unghuuuunghaahhhungh”
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I got bursitus because i can’t afford healthcare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I go to bars dressed like a woman
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I made love to a woman in delaware
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My balls swelled up to the size of pairsd
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I thought it was haircream but it turned out to be nair
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I’m not only the president i’m also a member
Deep in the heart of nowhere
Idon’t have to make every single line rhyme
I’m secure enough in my rhyming ability
If pennies were pain i’d be a millionaire
Deep in the heart of nowhere
I fucked my grandma for her medicare
Deep in the heart of nowhere
My girlfriends fucking my best friend larr
Deep in the heart of nowhere
She said she was going out to get a pack of smokes
That was fifteen years ago
My girlfriend was round but i didn’t care
Deep in the heart of nowhere
When she sat on my face i couldn’t even hear the stereo
De janaro
My names floyd but my kids call me gar(y)
Deep in the heart of nowhere

I took my girlfriend down to the abortion clinic where all the fundamentalist christian right to lifers were barracading the place by chaining their naked sweaty bodies to the glass doors while they were being severely beaten to within inches of their lives by overaggressive baton wielding on and off duty police officers because they believed in their heart of hearts that all life was is and always will be sacred but when they saw me and my girlfriend walking up the driveway they all parted and said,”you’re in there!”

Deep in the heart of nowhere

The Denial Song
lyrics by Bob Schneider

The Chunky Tiger and The Dandy Lion
Were sitting around a Fire Fly drinking wine
When along came a Turtleneck
Who had a bottle of Triplesec
The Chunky Tiger said,”Please join along
As we sing the Denial Song.”

and they sang
Today is yesterday’s tommorrow
So you see tommorrow’s already here
So don’t be afraid of life it’ll hurt you
Because the opposite of love is fear

Now the Work Horse and the Chicken Wire
Heard them singing round the fly fire
They said,”Hey we’ve got a bottle of Grenadine
Would it be cool ya’ll if we made your scene/”
The Chunky Tiger said,”Please join along
As we sing our favorite song.”

and they sang
Today is yesterday’s tommorrow
So you see tommorrow’s already here
So don’t be afraid of life it’ll hurt you
Because the opposite of love is fear

Later still the Houndstooth and the Busy Bee
Heard the commotion so they thought they’d have a looksee
They brought a bottle of bourbon and a case of champaigne
They said,”Would you all mind terribly if we remain?”
The Chunky Tiger said,”Of course not, please join along
We’ll sind together all night long.”

and they sang
Today is yesterday’s tommorrow
So you see tommorrow’s already here
So don’t be afraid of life it’ll hurt you
Because the opposite of love is fear

The Devil Outside My Window
©1993 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider

all is still in the middle of the night
my hearts on fire it's burning bright
there's nowhere i can run and nowhere ican hide
the devil's outside my window

he's whispering my name and telling me his plan
tappin on the window with a bony red hand
he's telling me son you better start this show
the devil's outside my window

there's a bottle in my left hand my pride's in my right
there's an angel in the closet but its locked up tight
and there's a voice inside my head saying you'll pay as you go
the devil's outside my window

he's rattling his bones and i'm shaking in my shoes
he's making me an offer that i can't refuse
i know i'll say yes cause i can't say no
to the devil outside my window

tap tap tappin
tap tap tappin
tap tap tappin on my window

i know what's right but i think that what's wrong
is that life's so hard and i ain't that strong
so heaven please help me cause it's hell here below
the devil's outside my window

The Difference Between Potatoe Chips and Earthquakes
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider

Godzilla don’t wear no hat
A lady bug ain’t no lady
The difference between
Potatoe chips and earthquakes
I’ve found maybe
Earthquakes ain’t as tasty
As potatoe chips and gravy
And i’d rather eat a fried potatoe
Than die in a big tornado

A fireman ain’t on fire
Root beer got no caffeine
The difference between
Lollypops and suckers
From what i’ve seen
Is a lollypops red or green
And a sucker can get mighty mean
If you say, “hey you ain’t no sucker
You’re a fucked up juju bean.”

Godzilla don’t wear no shoes
He sure don’t read no paper
And the difference between
A hack and a freak
Is a freak don’t need no stapler
And i’d rather be a freak than a hack
Because a freak won’t jump in the sack
With no freaky deaky doplar radar

And i’d rather be godzilla
Than milli vanillia

Dixie Lullabye
©1998 shockorama music pub. / lyrics & melody by Bob Schneider / chordal arrangements by Adam Temple

When summers green with envy
Of winters crystal dress
Then well lay down in the grass
And make ourselves a nest
And underneath the heavens
Where angels go to die
Well pretend the world is ending
And well sing this lullabye

Ladida ladidoo
Dixie lie dixie lou
Lifes for fools like me and you
Ladida ladidoo

And the rolling of the thunder
And the fallin of the rain
And the whisper of the grass
Will be our sweet refrain

As we listen to the fire
As it sings its fiery tune
Well hold our hands together
And hang our hearts upon the moon

And our lives will come and go
And well wonder where they went
And our time will seems so precious
When most of it is spent

We'll struggle in the shadows
And our dreams may come undone
And our hearts they may be broken
As we dance under the sun

Dizzy Stick
©1998 shockorama music pub. / music & lyrics by Bob Schneider

I know you’re trying to drive me crazy
I know you’re doing a good job baby
I know i can’t seem to feel my fingers
This feeling you’re filling me up it lingers
And no i don’t mind it takes me by surprise
And no i don’t mind that it leaves me by your door

Where you wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my dizzy stick baby
ou wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my dizyy stick baby it dcrives me crazy
When you wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my wiggle my dizyy stick baby oh oh oh

I know you’re trying to make it all better
I know you’re trying to make me forget her
Wrapping me up in your fancy affairs
All your philosophy has got me all caught unawares
Oh it makes me think oh so much harder
It makes me wish i was oh so much smarter

Oh now i’m falling and the telephone is ringing
And i pick it up and it’s like the angels are singing
But it’s just you singing me happy birthday
But man my birthday’s at least two months away
But i don’t mind i don’t think it’s crazy
Oh i don’t mind it when you try to save me

Don’t Be So Stingy With Your Pingy
lyrics by Bob Schneider / music by Bob Schneider & Adam Temple

I know i came home late last evening
And my excuses you weren’t believing
But baby i love you you know that’s the truth
So let me step inside your telephone booth of love

And don’t be so stingy with your pingy
Baby tonight
Don’t be so snappy with your pappy
Baby do me right

I guess you got a little bit uneasy
When i show up last night slightly greasy
And now your telling me that you will not please me
Baby don’t tease me believe me i need thee don’t leave me

Don’t be so stingy with your pingy
Baby tonight
Don’t get so loco with that vocal
Baby do me right

My lies are ineffectual cause you’re so damn intellectual
I need a coorectional inspectional can’t you see you’re so infectual
Your so damn animated i don’t care if you’re contaminated
I’ve done all the math honey and all my figures have been recalculated

Don’t be so stingy with your pingy
Baby tonight
Don’t be so shitty show some pity
Don’t get so uptight
Don’t be so stickler with your pickler
You know that ain’t right
Don’t be so stingy with your pingy
Baby do me right

Don't Blink

Watch the ball bounce up and down
Watch the world spin you around
The the ground fall away
Watch the little things you say

Watch your hands begin to tremble
Watch the way which you resemble
Everything you've always hated
Watch your dreams eradicated

Watch the way she's allyou need
Watch the way you sow your seed
Watch the emptiness inside
Swallow you as you try to hide

Watch the thin facade collapse
If yes by chance well then perhaps
You soon not know just what to think
Don't blink

Watch the hours turn to stone
They'll hold you back and break your bones
Watch the answers dissapear
The one's you knew were always clear

Watch the damage settle through
Watch your pride get cut in two
Fear will break love's weakest link
Don't blink

Don't Fuck With Me
lyrics by Bob Schneider

I'm just a dude I go to work every day
Donít want no trouble I try to watch what I say
Cause peaceful coexistence thatís what I'm all about
But if you wanna fuck with me boy well I'll have to take you out

So don't fuck with me

Don’t Quit Your Day Job
music & lyrics by Bob Schneider

Jimi went to the pawn shop
And bought himself a old guitar
He took it home and told his parents
I’m going to be a big star

They said,” well son that’s mighty nice,
And we sure do wish the best for you,
But if you if you want to hear some good advice
This is what we think you should do...