ver since I came to Clarion last September, I had become a close friend to Dr. En, a professor of Economics, and his wife Alice. I was impressed by their diligence, frugality as well as warm-heartedness toward many international students studying at the university I worked for. Being Chinese overseas, we shared a lot of common topics from cultural experiences to success stories as the first generation of immigration. Their home had been my spiritual sanctuary, and my joy and sadness were attached to theirs. I thus got a chance to observe an American immigrant family.

Their daughter, Joanna was an ABC, American Born Chinese. Like most Asian girls, she was slim and intelligent.  She was crowned as Miss Autumn leaf in 1997 in town, was rewarded a certificate with Bill Clinton’s signature upon her graduation from high school and was accepted by the University of Pennsylvania, a famed Ivy League college. As a child, she had scored high on IQ tests. Therefore, it wasn’t surprising for me to know that she had published an article at USA Today at the age of eighteen. She would become a junior next year. Academically, Joanna lived up to her parents’ expectation. However, academic success didn’t guarantee harmony in a family, where cultural gap and generation gap worked together to launch an inevitable war.

Joanna spoke English at home. Her mom, Alice didn’t start learning English until she came to the U.S. as wife of a visiting scholar. She spoke Chinese.  Dr En spoke both languages to Alice and Joanna respectively, acting as an interpreter. The vocabulary Joanna used sometimes embarrassed Alice so much that Alice had to go to her husband for help. Meanwhile, Alice’s Chinese language capability was quite limited, as she seldom joined profound discussion between her husband and us anxious and scholarly guests, who were pursuing their degrees in the States. But in order to be understood by her dear daughter, Alice spoke to Joanna using simple Chinese vocabulary. That not only decreased her level of Chinese day by day, but also blocked Joanna’s vision to see the beauty of her mother tongue. Therefore, Joanna was reluctant to speak Chinese, even though she could speak it well. She used to go to a Chinese language school in Pittsburgh. And she even stayed in Taiwan for one year.

 One day, Joanna’s friend gave her a ride. She asked her mom not to talk at the presence of her classmate. “ Mom, I don’t want to lose my face. My friend will laugh at me if they know I have a mom who barely communicates well. Sorry!”

Alice was a traditional Chinese with strong filial emotion for her parents. She started working as a librarian till Joanna went to high school. But since then, there had been negative cash flow to the family, as she contributed more to her parents who lived in California than before. Haven’t you heard about “tax daughter, subsidize son”? This was exactly how it was to the Ens. Then it came one day that Joanna, the fashion girl used her parent’s credit card and exceeded the limit. Alice was irritated by her being irresponsible, she blamed her daughter,

“I know kids attending U Penn are wealthy. But could you please concern about your parents? While others spend freely, you should be knowing what you are doing.”

Joanna responded “Don’t blame me if you can not pay for the bill. I am just buying what I need! You don’t even know where your money goes. Why do you give so much to grandma? She is rich already! Your jacket looks so rugged and old by the way, do you want me to get you a nice one?”

Alice felt frustrated.
“I’ve been devoted to the house chores for years. Why can’t I do something I like now?”

“Fine! Then please don’t yell at me next time!” Joanna said.

 Neither side would like to give up a little.

Alice often called Joanna’s dorm at midnight to check out Joanna’s presence. The phone remained not being answered for a number of times. As a mom, Alice couldn’t calm down. She questioned her daughter harshly,

 “Where have you been? You should be away from your friends who are party animals. They are seducing you to be a bad girl…”

 “Mom! My friends are all decent people!  I am no longer a kid! I need freedom in friends making…” Joanna fought back.

Regardless of Joanna’s words, Alice was worried about Joanna’s friend circle. One day, she read a postcard from one of her daughter’s best friend, Kathie. Kathie went to the New York University after high school. She wrote to Joanna:

      “Dear Joanna, long time don’t see! I am glad we will meet soon this Thanksgiving…. I’m sure you have never tried N64. It doesn’t seem to be exciting in the beginning. But you’ll get addicted to it after several times’ trial. I shall bring it with me when I am back to town this time…”

This was definitely a bomb to Alice. She called me up and asked me on the phone what N64 was.

“ Sorry! Alice, I had no idea.” I said.

She responded nervously,
“It is drug for sure! I need to talk to her! This is a dangerous world to Joanna! But I am not supposed to read her letter. How should I begin with our conversation? Can you help?”

I checked on the Internet later that day, as I had always been fond of Joanna and didn’t like to see her abusing drugs. I found out that N64 was simply “Nintendo 64”, a video game popular among teenagers. I told Alice with excitement that she didn’t need to be worried any more. Instead of feeling relieved, Alice replied,

“I just know by six sense that her friends are all sophiticated. She is so simple-minded to be misled. I am still worried!

Scenarios like these went on and on. What a relationship it was! There was no respect, no trust, and no encouraging words from either side of the family cold war. I felt very sorry for the mother and daughter. Frankly, Joanna was an energetic and undisguised girl with idealism.

“ I want to major in sociology to redistribute our society’s wealth to help the poor.”

Of course this idea was turned down. Sociology was not as practical as engineering or medicine to her parents. They negotiated and ended up with a major in Economics with a minor in Sociology.

I was also sympathetic for Alice. She was very helpful and was willing to take time to do things for others. There was once a Chinese student encountering a traffic accident on the way to Pittsburgh. Alice took care of him in the hospital, contacted the insurance company, arranged for the student’s parents to come for a visit and offered them room and board at her home.

But how come these two nice people could not get along with each other? Dr. En attributed this to genes, “They are both stubborn!” he said. Moreover, it was obviously more than that. ABCs are also described as bananas, yellow outside and white inside. This best describes the conflict in a demanding kid like Joanna at a defiant age. She wanted to be the same as those White kids in every aspect. She just could not stand the fact that she was different. The fact that she was a cheer leader at her school, was active in parties, and hung out with friends late was out of the motivation that she earnestly wanted to be accepted by the main stream in the society. She insisted on speaking English at home, even though she knew Chinese well. She never turned down any party invitation, even though she knew her parents were annoyed by that. She didn’t care about hurting her mother, because through her friends she gleamed with recognition, approval and success. It was simply very childish of her to think that her alienation from her yellow-skinned parents could possibly lighten up her skin color. Meanwhile, she probably understood better than anyone else that she could change anything but her skin color. She studied hard, kept up in fashion, and spent money graciously in front of friends to compensate for her disappointment. All in all, there was confusion in her identity. She was seeking her success, with great expectation, but feeling lost in the process.

To Alice, husband and daughter was her world. She had lived for them for more than a decade of her life. It was time to live for herself. She went out to work in the hope of being more financially independent, although it was proved later on that she was not competent for the job she was taking.  Her age and language skills held her back. “Was it really that unacceptable? Many women in this country do not speak a word in English. Their kids still love them.” She thought. Unfortunately, Joanna was not one of those kids who loved their moms the way they were. She needed a stunning mother to gain her admiration among peers. When a woman infused all of her hope upon others, she was left with little. As a stock investor should diversify his portfolio for less risk, a woman should learn to assume part of hope on her own for greater chances of happiness.

A wise judge should avert family cases. It is not appropriate to talk behind people’s back, after all. The conflicts, however in the En’s family reflected common symptoms in a family with parents as first generation of immigration and children as a second-generation of immigration. Both generations are striving for self-actualization. While the first generation struggles for surviving, the second one explores for thriving. Relationship between the two generations is challenged by double gaps of culture and age. Do double negatives make positive? Mathematically, yes; humanistically, not exactly.

Lei, Jan 2001