Q: Why "Rob's Granite Page?"
A: Why I made it? Or why I call it that?
Q: Why not "Rob's Granite Site?" Why not "The Granite Site?" Why didn't you have the sense to use an alias?
A: Hey, it was 1995, lots of kids were experimenting with the World Wide Web. "Somebody's Something Page" was a common construction for site names back then. Back in the day.
Q: 1995? That would explain the archaic web design and the passé pop culture references. In that section on sampling you actually wrote "It's Hammer time!"
A: The design is retro. Al Gore and I invented the internet. Were you even on-line in '95? I thought not.
Q: So, has this web site helped your career?
A: I don't have a career. I have a vocation.
Q: You have a vacation instead of a career?
A: VO-cation, VO-cation.
Q: So you learned that in vocational school?
A: ...No, Vocation Bible School. It's a Midwest thing.
Q: Are you getting paid to do this site?
A: No. In fact, the large staff of RGP eats into my profits from other ventures.
Q: Rob, what's with all the dots?
A: I'm not following.
Q: The dot-dot-dot thing. You know "...", you use it all over your site.
A: Oh, those are ellipsis points, a commonly used punctuation mark.
Q: Yeah, but commonly used to indicate that you've left out part of a quotation. Are you leaving out parts of quotations all over you site?
A: No. But I'm using the ellipsis points more to indicate a pause, or a caesura.
Q: You have no clue what a caesura is, do you?
A: I...I can spell it.
Q: Big deal, there are 5 alternate spellings. Dan Quayle could spell it, but he would probably use it correctly. Liberal Arts education, go DePauw!
A: I'm using the ellipsis points the same way that Shakespeare used them.
Q: So now you are comparing you web site to Shakespeare?
A: ...
Q: Much ado about nothing? The comedy of errors? Spamlet? I can't see you as a Danish Prince, but maybe a Prince of Danish. Kind of a Falstaff thing you've got going there.
A: I can always tell a hawk from a handsaw! Do I not find sermons in the stones? Away with you, thou art a knave and a fool.
Q: Are you ever going to quit fooling around with this web site and get a real job?
A: I have a real job. Which explains why this site gets updated about once a year.
Q: Can you send me a piece of Llanite?
A: Do you need it for scientific research?
Q: Ah, no.
A: Don't tell me you need it to balance your chakras or some such nonsense.
Q: No, I just like contacting people on the internet and asking them to send me things.
A: Piss off. I just like contacting people on the internet and telling them that.
Q: Can you do all the research for my geology paper?
A: Yes, I can. No, I won't.
Q: Do they know the Blue granite do they Plow?*
A: Say, what?
Q: Do they know the Blue granite do they Plow?
A: Dude. Babelfish. http://babelfish.altavista.com/. Your e-mail will still be gibberish, but it won't be your fault.
*actual quote from e-mail